CHILDREN BY CHOICE ASSOCIATION INCORPORATED

Put it in perspective

While it is important to acknowledge and address any negative feelings you may be experiencing, it is equally important to challenge yourself to look at your situation in different ways.

Think about the factors that you have identified as contributing to your negative feelings. Are they all in relation to the decision to have an abortion? It is possible that whilst some of the feelings are related to the abortion decision, the bigger picture may include factors such as relationship issues, life changes, dealing with other losses, unsupportive family, societal stigma, difficulties in dealing with general life events and so on. Challenge yourself to think about how much the abortion plays a part in your whole life situation.

If guilt is something you are experiencing, what is it you are feeling guilty about? Is it the decision to have an abortion? If so, you may want to refer to the section on values clarification. Is your guilt about being ‘selfish’ when you decided to have an abortion? If so, it may be useful to think about all the other people you considered when making your decision; your partner, any children you have, your family and friends. Also, did you consider the quality of life you could provide for a child? Taking all these things into consideration is evidence that your decision to have an abortion was not only influenced by yourself, but also by your respect and care for many other people involved in your life.

Is your guilt related to becoming pregnant and not using contraception, or not using it properly? Sometimes it's good to think about what level of control people have in various parts of their lives. No one can control everything in his or her life, all of the time. People vary in terms of what they find difficult to control. Some people find it hard to stick to time deadlines; others find it difficult to keep a healthy diet. For you, it may have been difficult to prevent the pregnancy, for example, by not using contraception. This may be a good opportunity for you to look at various forms of contraception and which methods may suit you the best.

Another way of putting the abortion experience into perspective is to identify the positives that have occurred throughout this experience. Some questions to ask yourself may include:

• Has the entire experience been negative?
• What has been positive during and after this experience?
• Who has been supportive to you throughout this experience?
• How have you changed or grown since this experience? In what ways?
• What have you learnt since this experience?
• What were your reasons for choosing to have the abortion?
• What would the parenting role have really looked like?
• What are some of the benefits of not continuing with the pregnancy?
• What are you able to do for yourself now that you couldn't have done if you had have continued with the pregnancy?