CHILDREN BY CHOICE ASSOCIATION INCORPORATED

Your feelings : take care of yourself

Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy may be placing an enormous strain on both of you and making it difficult for you both to act as understanding, considerate and supportive friends to one another.  Be aware of this factor and try to acknowledge it. 

It is important to take care of yourself physically and mentally. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat complete meals and do the things you enjoy.  

You may be having a difficult time dealing with the range of emotions you are experiencing, such as confusion, isolation, guilt, anger, concern or sadness. These feelings are common, but it is important to seek support to manage your feelings and to find strategies to help yourself.  

Talk together about who else you might include in supporting you with this pregnancy decision.  Consider each other’s privacy with care, as this has an impact on the trust and respect you have for each other.  Seek out people who will be supportive and understanding of you both, rather than pressuring you to decide one way or the other.  Some women who come to Children by Choice have told no-one, some have told only the man involved, and others have told most of their families or friends. 

You may wish to seek individual counselling or support for yourself, as well as relationship or decision-making counselling, if this is something you both want.  

It is never OK to hit, threaten or abuse anyone, regardless of your relationship, and no matter what they say or do to you.  Women who have experienced violence have told us that violence can escalate during pregnancy.  Seek professional help immediately if you are violent or are feeling you may become violent towards the pregnant woman, or if you are experiencing violence from her or from other family members. 

Finally, it is important to look after yourself by making sure that you are receiving good support and unbiased information.  A pro-choice counselling service, such as Children by Choice, will support a woman regardless of whether she is thinking about abortion, adoption or parenting.  Many, many women choose to involve their partners in this decision.  Some of the men who have attended our counselling write about what counselling achieved for them: 

• More verbalising of issues with my partner
• Have a far clearer picture of all options
• We should be able to make a decision together
• Being able to discuss openly all built up feelings
• It helped open my eyes to look at things on a broader horizon
• Able to narrow down specific issues to discuss with partner
• Made me feel comfortable with any decisions we will make
• More informed but still undecided
• We were certain of our choice prior but are more comfortable about our decision after counselling