Understanding your role
When someone you care about is deciding what to do about a pregnancy, your role is to listen, believe, and support without judgement. You do not need to have all the answers; simply being a calm, caring presence can help them feel less alone.
Remember:
- It is their decision. Support means helping them explore what feels right for them.
- Avoid pressure or persuasion in any direction.
- Respect their privacy and choices, even if you would choose differently.
If you are their partner, be open and honest about your feelings but make sure the final decision remains theirs.
→ Read about Pregnancy Options and Support
Offering emotional support
Pregnancy decisions can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions, relationships, and values intersect. You can help by creating space for them to talk safely.
You might say:
- “I am here for you, whatever you decide.”
- “This must feel like a lot. Do you want to talk about it?”
- “You do not have to go through this alone.”
You can also:
- Listen more than you speak
- Ask what kind of support they need, emotional, practical, or both
- Reassure them that their feelings, even conflicting ones, are valid
- Respect their pace and need for quiet, time, or privacy
If they express sadness, fear, or relief, avoid judging or trying to fix their emotions. Simply listening is powerful.
Providing practical help
Small, thoughtful actions can make a big difference, especially if they are attending medical appointments or feeling unwell.
You could:
- Offer to drive them to appointments or accompany them if they want company
- Help with childcare, meals, or household tasks
- Support them in finding reliable information about abortion, parenting, or adoption
- Help manage logistics such as travel, time off work, or finances
- Encourage them to contact Children by Choice or another trusted service for guidance
If they decide to have an abortion, you can help them plan for the day and recovery afterwards, including rest, comfort, and emotional space.
→ Find a medical provider
→ Learn about abortion options
What to avoid
Even well-intentioned comments can feel hurtful or pressuring. Try to avoid:
- Giving ultimatums or moral judgements
- Making the conversation about your feelings or experiences
- Saying “You will regret it” or “You will be fine”
- Dismissing their emotions or telling them to “get over it”
- Involving others in their situation without permission
If you disagree with their decision, step back and let them find someone else to talk to who can offer neutral support.
If you notice controlling or threatening behaviour from someone else, this may be a sign of reproductive coercion or abuse.
→ Learn how to recognise reproductive coercion
When to encourage professional support
Sometimes, your friend or partner might need more help than you can give. Encourage them to reach out to trained professionals who can offer free and confidential support.
You can:
- Suggest calling Children by Choice (1800 177 725) for non-judgemental pregnancy options support
- Help them contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) if they are experiencing violence or control
- Offer to sit with them during the call if they feel anxious
- Help them book an appointment with a GP, counsellor, or midwife if continuing the pregnancy
→ Pregnancy Support in Australia
Looking after yourself
Supporting someone through a difficult time can also affect you emotionally. It is okay to seek your own support and talk about your feelings safely.
You might:
- Take time to rest, reflect, or talk with someone you trust
- Reach out to a mental health service if you feel anxious or overwhelmed
- Remember that you can care for someone else while also caring for yourself
If you are the partner of someone who has had an abortion, mixed feelings are common, such as relief, sadness, or uncertainty. Talking to a professional can help you process these emotions too.
References
- Children by Choice – Pregnancy Options and Support
https://www.childrenbychoice.org.au/advice-and-support/pregnancy-options/ - Queensland Health – Pregnancy and Parenting Support
https://www.qld.gov.au/health/children/pregnancy - 1800 RESPECT – Supporting Someone Experiencing Violence or Abuse
https://www.1800respect.org.au/ - Healthdirect Australia – Pregnancy Options and Support
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/unplanned-pregnancy
