Decision Making

Sometimes the first place to start is with how you feel about this pregnancy. Often a pregnancy raises a lot of different and sometimes confusing feelings and thoughts. This is very normal and most women and pregnant people experience these.

These feelings are confusing as they often conflict with each other. For example, you may feel anxious because you can’t possibly consider having a baby (or another baby) until you are financially able to support the child, scared because you don’t know how to parent or concerned since your current relationship is not very stable. At the same time you may also be overjoyed because this is what you have always wanted and excited since this may be a new opportunity for you. Even though these feelings are in conflict with each other they are all important and need to be considered carefully.

One way that may help you to address these different feelings is to write them down. Take some time right now to write down all the different feelings you are currently experiencing:

• I am feeling…
• How do my values, beliefs, previous experiences or expectations around each of these pregnancy options – abortion, adoption, alternative or kinship care and parenting – affect how I feel?

Your values, beliefs, previous experiences or expectations about the four options available to you can also affect how you feel. The following are comments women and pregnant people often make in relation to the four options. As you read them you may like to note which of them you agree or don’t agree with. You may also like to add to these lists as well. Once you have listed the values and beliefs you have about the four options, as well as any previous experiences or expectations, you may also need to consider if you need more information to help you with your decision. Exploring values can raise many questions for some people.

• I feel that every woman or person who can become pregnant should have a child.
• It is important to have the support of others around you when having a baby.
• I couldn’t consider having a baby at my age.
• Having a child would be the best thing to happen to me.
• My partner and I both want to have a baby.
• I believe single parents struggle to support a baby.
• I believe that it is very important to be financially ready when having a baby.
• I like my lifestyle too much to change for a child.
• My own parents were…
• Every child should have two
• I don’t think I could give up a baby after nine months of pregnancy.
• I’m against abortion but I don’t want to parent.
• There are a lot of great people out there who would like to have a baby but cannot.
• The child might wonder where the biological parents are and why they did not want them.
• I do not like the idea that someone else will care for my baby.
• Even though I would always be the biological parent I would not have to parent the child.
• I might always wonder where the child is.
• Adopted children are not always treated well.
• The other family could give the child what I cannot.
• I (or someone I know) was adopted……………
• My relationship is not stable enough to bring a child into it.
• Children need two parents.
• My religious beliefs are opposed to abortion.
• I don’t want to be a single
• I could be a parent later on in my life.
• I am afraid I may not be able to get pregnant again.
• I would like to have a child when I am more able to support the child.
• My partner and/or family is against abortion.
• My partner doesn’t want a baby, and I want to consider their feelings.
• I had an abortion some time ago and I think I won’t cope with another abortion.

When making the decision as to which choice is best for you, something else to consider would be where the pregnancy fits with your goals, plans or dreams.

The following questions may help you to look first of all at your goals, plans and dreams, but also where the pregnancy fits within these.

• What do I want out of life for myself?
• What do I think is important?
• In the next five or ten years I hope to have achieved …………
• How would having a child now help/hinder achieving these?
• How would adopting the child out help/hinder achieving these?
• How would placing the child with family help/hinder achieving these?
• How would having an abortion help/hinder achieving these?
• In five years time I am planning to be …………
• How would having a child now change these plans?
• How would adopting the child out change these plans?
• How would family raising the child change these plans?
• How would having an abortion change these plans?
• What interests and activities do I feel are important to me?
• If I was to parent would I have to give up any of my interests and activities?
• How would having a child affect my health and wellbeing?
• Would having a child change my educational plans?
• Do I have the energy to raise a child and further my education at the same time?
• Would having a child change my career plans?
• Do I have the energy to raise a child and continue to develop my career at the same time?
• Am I willing to give a great part of my life, at least 18 years, to being responsible for a child?
• Am I willing to spend a large portion of my life being concerned for my child’s wellbeing?

On the scale below, where would you say you are right now? Why?

Definitely want an abortion——————Definitely continuing.

On the scale below, where would you say you are right now? Why?

Definitely want an abortion——————Definitely want to parent.

On the scale below, where would you say you are right now? Why?

Definitely want to place my child for adoption——————Definitely want to parent.

On the scale below, where would you say you are right now? Why?

Definitely want to place my child into an alternative or kinship care arrangement
——————Definitely want to parent.

Sometimes not having enough practical information on all the options makes it difficult to decide.

You may like to continue exploring our website. Or you can get in contact with us to discuss any issues or concerns or information needs.

Now that you have looked at your feelings, values and beliefs, goals and dreams and gathered further information on the four options, sum up how you are feeling about each of these options.

If I was to sum up my feelings and thoughts it would go like this…

The idea of having an abortion makes me feel ………………………… because ………………………… and I’m thinking…………………………

The idea of continuing the pregnancy and placing the baby for adoption makes me feel ………………………… because ………………………… and I’m thinking …………………………

The idea of continuing the pregnancy and placing the baby with family or in alternative care makes me feel ………………………… because ………………………… and I’m thinking …………………………

The idea of having a baby now and becoming a parent makes me feel ………………………… because ………………………… and I’m thinking …………………………

Often women and pregnant people are concerned about how another child will affect their children. This is sometimes a concern, especially when there is a gap in the ages of the children and when the pregnant person does not want to parent another child.

When a pregnancy occurs shortly after the birth of a child, it can be an overwhelming experience for a woman or pregnant person. Whilst some women and people who can become pregnant may plan to have their children close together, others may want to have a bigger space between their children, or may only ever have wanted one child. The following questions may help you decide:

• Ideally when would I be ready to have another child?
• I only ever wanted one child. Am I open to considering having more than one?
• What are my feelings around having more than 1 child? 2 children? 3 children? More than three children?
• What age gap do I prefer for my child or children?
• Can I cope with another child now? How do I deal with sleep deprivation, physical tiredness and emotional upheaval?
• Do I have the energy to raise another child?
• Who would support me if I have another child now?
• How would having another child now affect my growth and development?
• Would having another child change my educational or career plans?
• Could I handle another child considering my current workload?
• How would my child/ren deal with another child?
• What would my child/ren gain if I had another child?
• What about future children?

This section is for those who want to include their partner in the decision-making process. It is important to remember that the final decision rests with you, the pregnant person.

• Does my partner want to have a child? Another child?
• Have we talked about our reasons for wanting/not wanting a child? Another child?
• Is our relationship a happy and strong one, which would give a child a good home?
• Could we share the work of looking after a child? Another child?
• How well do we know each other – especially in relation to our views on parenting?
• Could we share our love with a child or with more than one child without being jealous?
• How well do we currently communicate with each other and how may this be affected by having a child? Another child?
• If my partner does not want a child/another child does that change how I will decide?
• If my partner says they will leave me if I have an abortion does that affect my decision?
• If my partner says they will leave me if I continue with the pregnancy does that affect my decision?
• If my partner says they will leave me if I adopt the child out does that affect my decision? (be aware that both biological parents are required to formally consent to an adoption in Queensland)

Seek out people who will be supportive and understanding without pressuring you to make one decision or another.

Often it is good to talk to someone close to you when making the decision which option is the best one for you. This person may be your partner, close friend, parent etc. If you are unsure of a partner’s, family member’s or friend’s view on abortion, adoption, alternative or kinship care or parenting, you may like to find out how they feel about these issues before confiding in them.

Making a decision about whether to continue a pregnancy or not can be extremely stressful for all involved in that decision. The shock of a pregnancy or a pregnancy that has had medical complications can greatly add to this stress. This may be placing an enormous strain on you and those around you making it difficult for everybody to act as understanding, considerate and supportive friends to one another.

Now that you have considered and explored your choices and feelings, values and beliefs, expectations and previous experiences regarding all of the options available and received more information about those options you may be ready to make a decision which is right for you. Or you may not.

Remember throughout the decision making process that many women and pregnant people have decided for and against abortion, adoption, alternative or kinship care and parenting. However you reach your decision, whatever choice you make may leave you with some worries or uncertainties. Therefore, although you may believe you have made the right decision for you, it still may feel that it is not perfect decision. It is natural for you to continue to have some mixed feelings.

If you are still undecided, you may like to contact us to discuss the situation further. Take your time remembering that it is important for your health to decide as soon as you can – to access pre-natal care if you are continuing or to access an earlier termination.

Remember, you have considered this decision and you have done your best. Despite the fact that others around you may be trying to make the decision for you, the decision is yours and you will make the best decision possible.